Yes, I’ve been lazy. It’s easy to get that way when you’re at the Georgia Governor’s Honors Program for six weeks, working with amazing kids and fabulous teachers 24/7. Here’s a little stopgap before I actually get inspired.

Those of you who are not educators might like to know that every five years or so your schools must be accredited, which means we must produce reams and reams of paper that documents that we are worthy. For us in Georgia, the accrediting organization is SACS, the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools. We crank out these volumes in preparation for a visit from the “SACS team,” which sweeps through like locusts in a three-day visit and not only reads our reports [::stifles snicker::] but also visits our classrooms and interviews random teachers and students and parents.

So, in order to better prepare us for our SACS visit, here are some fun things to do for your SACS visitors (Guess which one of these I actually did):

• At breakfast, put food into your pockets, “for later.”
• Whenever you meet a SACS team member, inquire amiably about this “SACS thing” and how they “got into it.”
• When asked what the school’s mission is, say that it’s to “test the children until their ears bleed.”
• Hang a black leather mask and cat-o’-nine-tails in your closet door.
• Do the same, only in 1st grader size.
• Whenever a team member’s back is turned, say, “Oops!” and then just smile broadly when they turn around.
• Display the filthy limericks your class wrote on a bulletin board.
• If asked about the emergency plan, just pat your pocket and say, “If anything comes up, I’ll know how to handle it.”
• Replace all the alphabet charts with the Russian Cyrillic alphabet.
• When queried about the school’s improvement plan, comment that you “don’t really cotton to all this modern stuff.”
• Have e-Bay up on your browser, and periodically run over to check it.
• Share with the team members your students’ exemplary ITBS score sheets, with the names obviously whited out and written over.
• Keep the class hamster in your pocket. Or in your hair.
• If asked what stumbling blocks you see preventing you from implementing your action plan, say, “The county administration.” Or “No Child Left Behind.”
• Reach into your purse repeatedly and take a swig from the small bottle you keep there.
• Say, “Class, can anyone tell me what Billy did wrong this time?”
• Keep asking, “You’re not writing this down, are you?”
• Give the children noogies.
• Reward the children with skull tattoos.
• Announce to the class, “Y’all go to the media center and read for a while. Miss _____ is tired and needs a nap.”
• Shout “Food fight!” in the cafeteria.
• Be showing Rambo, Part III when they walk in.
• When asked about any aspect of the SACS report, give a wrong answer and then say, “No, wait, that was last time.”
• Keep smiling!

Till next time!