OK, so this is a totally irrational rant, but something in me snapped and I just have to get this out of my system: Yo, Georgia Natural Gas, what is up with that natural gas dude?

Is that not the lamest ad campaign ever? It’s not witty, it’s not retro, it’s not subcultural. It’s just retarded.

First of all, it’s a guy in an Izzy suit, only with a face cut out so you can see the poor bastard. What kind of advertising company in Georgia abrades the public’s consciousness with memories of Izzy? A retarded company, that’s what kind.

Secondly, this freak’s little pronouncements on his billboards are not pithy or cute. They’re just retarded.

The whole thing is so incredibly lame that you have to wonder, what were they thinking? The goal could not possibly have been to entertain us, or to charm us, or to endear themselves to us, because the whole concept is retarded. What are they trying to do? To enrage the public so much that their only recourse finally is to climb the billboards and deface them with spraypaint? Because that’s what I’m about ready to do.

You know what would make a good website? I mean, in a sick, retarded kind of way? Go to every single one of this creature’s appearances and stalk him. Really: get a friend, and both of you show up at every single event, smiling and beaming and getting both of your pictures taken with him. Every time. Pictures of you hugging him, kissing his cheek, with your face painted blue. Make a big hairy deal out of it. Ask him when his next appearance is, and be there. If he ever makes up a date, claim that you waited hours for him when you see him at his next gig. Blog your adoration of the Gas Guy. Invite others to share in your fascination. Watch the webclicks mount up as all of Georgia laughs itself silly over this retarded, retarded advertising trope.

And maybe then, and only then, will Georgia Natural Gas blow this little fart out.