The other day I received in the mail an envelope that encouraged me to claim this SPECIAL OFFER WITHIN 10 DAYS. Normally I just toss these sorts of things straight into the trash, since they are never anything I am interested in, but this time I just happened to see through the envelope window the phrase… PRESIDENT TRUMP TRAIN.

Well.

Breathlessly I tore open the envelope and was deluged with multiple forms and pieces of paper.

This opens up.

NOT AVAILABLE IN ANY STORE, KENNETH!

Notice how you don’t get your FREE TRACK SET until Shipment Two.

Of course this is a scam to separate the MAGAts from their money. How can I tell? See how that flyer opened up and there’s a foldover on the right? On the reverse:

That’s right, this crap is from 2016. They haven’t even updated the brochures.

Look, KENNETH, “gleaming gold-tone wheels.” Not gold, not gold-plated, gold-toned. Appropriate for that new President, indeed.

Then we start getting the details: You’ll get another train car every other month — but no clue as to how many this might end up being.

As for Trump’s “stirring messages of patriotism and American greatness,” I invite you to scroll back up and look at the close-up of the first three shipments. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN seems to be about it for stirring messages, but then again, the audience for this scam is easily impressed.

The audience for this scam is also easily stampeded. As amygdala-based lifeforms, they seek fear and anger to feed their brains, and so this whole pitch is designed to make their brains tingle with anxiety that they might miss out on this PART OF HISTORY.

YOU’RE SPECIAL. YOU’RE ENTITLED. DON’T WAIT! ALL THOSE OTHER SPECIAL, ENTITLED PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BEAT YOU TO IT!

And best of all: SEND NO MONEY NOW.

What’s not to like?

If you are of a suspicious mind, you might be wondering how much this costs. Does it say? Not on the big brochure. Not on the little folded note-size piece, that reiterates that YOU NEED TO HURRY IF YOU WANT THIS HISTORICAL THING. Not on the claim notice. Not on the generic Hamilton Collection flyer.

So many pieces of paper! It’s almost like they think the audience for this scam might not have the laser-like focus needed to read it all.

Ah, there it is, in the fine print:

That’s right, the charge for the first shipment is $89.99 plus $14.99, and wouldn’t you know it — you get all [redacted] pieces for the same attractive price, which is… do the math, carry the one… $104.98.

One hundred dollars for each of those HISTORIC train cars. That’s $314.94 just for the first three cars — and there is no indication of when (if ever) the shipments will stop. I’ll let you do the math for a decent-sized train set. (And The Hamilton Collection is a subset of The Bradford Exchange, which charges your credit card before each shipment. You’ll never even notice the money is gone, right?)

And HO scale?

That’s the one in front. Notice the hobbyist’s fingers at the right of frame. The gauge of the tracks, i.e., the distance between the tracks, is .625″, 5/8 of an inch. $104.98. Each.

So the Bradford Exchange has had these things sitting in a warehouse somewhere for eight years and has the chutzpah to pass them off as a fresh idea. And only someone who is too dumb to realize that if the Bradford Exchange still has these to sell after eight years, then maybe DEMAND DIDN’T ALREADY EXCEED EXPECTATIONS as might have been expected.

A Trump voter, in other words.